Oh Gale, you continue to surprise us in the worst ways possible. Spoiler warning ahead for those who have yet to bed the walking apocalypse.
SPOILERS for Gale BG3 Sex Scene:
Once again your romance with Mystra’s old boy toy has gone to a very weird place. After making sure the party is well supplied in red flags by deflecting all attempts at flirtation by bringing up his abusive ex, Gale's purple answering machine sends you out to the woods. There, the wizard reveals that he has been overtaken by a rush of horny energy that only you can fix.
Take him up on this sudden offer and he whisks you away to ‘make love as the Gods do’. And this, my friend, is where the game of chicken begins. You can decline the mystical dick tricks for a more grounded night, though the bougie mage still insists on conjuring a purple canopy bed in the woods.
If you accept his offer of arcane fuckery the game tries to talk you out of it, giving you no less than three chances to take a simple and earthy bounce on his wand of boning. Should you push through what seems like a warning… well, buckle in for some weird shit.
Gale feels like a mash of ideas, none of which are ever fully realized. And it’s a shame that instead of really investing in his story and player interactions they put a tremendous amount of time and effort into an elaborate three-minute specially coded scene of interstellar sex. At least I can assume Astarion enjoyed the show.
When Larian designed this sex scene, there were a number of reactions they may have been going for. Romantic titillation, awe, perhaps joy tinged with looming desperation. Uncontrollable laughter probably wasn’t high on the list, but that’s what they got during our playthrough.
Where do we even begin? The fact that Gale and the player character become a pair of Doctor Manhattans, blue bits and all? Their loins fusing together as they sprout additional limbs and become what we call “The Space Drider”. What follows is a series of mad somersaults spinning on the axis of their conjoined assets. The scene feels as though everyone on the writing team shouted out an idea and they did them all.
Ultimately it was spectacle sex, not a loving or tender moment. This was a pretty disappointing and rushed payoff from a man who would not even give us a damned peck on the cheek up until now.
Comments